I've always been interested in making the acquaintance of  the human, Tom Hanks.  He's always seemed like the type of human animal that a dog could have a friendship with.  He's bright, affable and could possibly get me into the movie business.  Even though I'm the equivalent of 77 human years old, I still am hoping for a breakout role.  Lindsay Lohan is in jail, perhaps I could take on the roles she was planning to play.  Paris Hilton's parts should be up for grabs too!  I know I'm not young and beautiful like these girls, but I'm no dog!

Tom Hanks played Scott Turner in the movie "Turner and Hooch."  The Hooch role was played by Beasley, a Dogue de Bordeaux. These rare dogs have a French heritage and were bred in the 1500's for their fighting ability.  Hooch was not well suited to domestic life with Turner, and the two had a rocky relationship as Hooch nearly destroyed Turner's home and car.  In the end though, all was well, and I believe Hanks still likes dogs, at a distance at least.

Many people aren't aware that there was a proposed sequel to "Turner and Hooch".  It was titled " Turner and Hooch Chase Hooch Along the Hooch For Illegal Possession of Hooch in a Hooch."  Some thought that the title was too unwieldy.  The plot involved Hooch (the dog)  chasing hooch ( a young lady of ill repute, perhaps a Lindsay or Paris role here) along the Hooch (Chattahoochie River- shades of Deliverance) as she fled a warrant for illegal possession of hooch (marijuana, or moonshine alcohol, depending on the time period) in her hooch. (she must have been raised by a Vietnam War vet who called his hut a hooch.) Perhaps you can see why this movie never got off the ground, but it was not the fault of the pooch, Hooch.

As a dog, I find the use of the same word in so many different contexts, and with so many different meanings, to be confusing as I attempt to master English and speak in grammatically correct sentences.  I guess you could argue that we dogs use "Ruff" and "Arff"  as slang for many of our multisyllabic intonations, but remember , we have limited linguistic abilities.  "Multisyllabic" doesn't roll off our tongues. Oh sorry, I have to run.  My owner says he's going to go out and get some "Hooch". I sure hope he's going to Blockbuster!

Buffy
Pooch Fan of Hooch

 

I sometimes grow envious of humans and their abilities.  It seems that dogs were shortchanged when it comes to music appreciation, neuronal sensitivity, and the ability to play musical instruments and march in the band.  I've read that humans possess "extremely sensitive neurons"  along the auditory nerve, that help them hear pitch changes of as little as a 12th of an  octave.  Only bats can do better than that!  I wonder if Batman ever thought of music as an alternative career?  Getting back to my point, it's thought that  dogs can only hear changes of 1/3rd of an octave.  This lessens our ability to appreciate dissonance; the unstable, transitional notes that composers use to differentiate their pieces, to create dramatic tension within the composition.  We dogs love our consonance, stable harmonies, unisons and octaves.  We're  lovers of tradition,  not exactly avant-garde.  Most of us anyway.

Dissonance has snuck quite sneakily into many composers repertoire in the last centuries.  It's "been emancipated" and is now an acceptable element of the musical creation.  It speaks to those who appreciate the unexpected, the whimsical, the absurd, the fantastic.  It's not for everyone.  You humans are more about dissonance than we dogs are.  

Consonance and dissonance are familiar musical terms that have their correlates in other aspects of living.  Art is a theater that has witnessed a constant interplay of the traditional vs. the abstract, the familiar vs. the absurd. 
We look at a picture and feel a calm relaxation, consonance; or an unresolved tension, questioning, loss of balance.  Our brains have to reorient themselves to regain equilibrium.  The same thing happens as we're presented with the contradictions that life presents.  The point and the counterpoint.  Our brains experience cognitive dissonance.  It's uncomfortable,  so we seek out a safer harbor, an outlook that makes everything seem alright, even if it's not true.  At least that's what happens to lower animals, like dogs.

If I go to my Purina bowl and find a steak, instead of my usual chow, I guess that would be the type of dissonance that is pleasing to the stomach and the soul.  In society, there are some who appreciate a dynamic dissonance, surprise, chance; they love the free market and aren't overly concerned about disharmony. They see the high notes and low notes of the scale as mentally stimulating, pleasing to the ear, they can live with the idiosyncracies, and sometimes thrive on them. Discord can present opportunity. These types of individuals are often the creators, and the discoverers, the independent and eccentric.  Others are much happier in a stable, predictable, "harmonious" society of egalitarianism and predictability.  They seek balance, octaves and unisons.  They provide the lattice work that dissonance can build on. It makes no sense for one type to work at cross purposes to the other.  Musical appreciation allows for the individuality of the subject, there isn't a right or wrong to it.

We dogs tend to respond to soothing, harmonious music; as it relaxes us and resonates with our limbic systems.  Our auditory nerves aren't up to human standards, dissonance can be lost on us.  We do enjoy watching you human types respond to the many types of pattern and transition that come your way, in music, theater, art , economics and politics.  You put on quite a show.  In the end we know there must be a balance between consonance and dissonance for the work to be successful. That a cacophony of unconducted chaotic interludes, has somehow ended up in this sacred  symphony of creation, is  a source of continuing wonder and delight.

Buffy
Consonant Dissident

. 

 

Generally speaking(this dog excluded of course), the dog species, canis familiaris, has hit an evolutionary dead end when it comes to further development of our intellectual capabilities; as we're plaqued with relatively small brains, and an inability to pass down cultural memes and employ symbolic representations.  As a species we are known for our big hearts, our ability to empathize, to sense the emotions of our masters.  We seek to ameliorate any conflict situation they might be in. We respond as watchdogs, as soothers of frayed nerves, as sympathetic aspiring healers when illness occurs.  In general, we're quite a tremendous creation in our own right.  But to those of us in the know, self aware dogs; we wish we could grow more complex brains, and become more intelligent, perceptive  creatures,  like whales or dolphins.(or as a last resort, maybe like humans:)

I kid you humans.  Self reflective dogs are aware of the vast repository of knowledge your homo sapien brains hold.  We know you are "oh so smart" at times.  You probably don't realize it , that as you go about your business, and do the human type thing, we dogs are the objective observers there with you witnessing your lives, seeing  what you do in your private moments, seeing  how you look with your clothes off and no makeup on.  Humans, sometimes it isn't pretty! Fortunately we don't carry cell phone recorders and cameras, and don't post pictures on the internet.  At least that's true for most of us dogs.

Just jesting there Mr. and Ms. Universe.  Seriously though, although you are blessed with the ability to have Big Hearts AND Big Minds, for the most part many of you seem limited or at least conflicted in deploying both talents at the same time.  It seems that you are often polarized, that you seem to think that you have to choose between compassion and optimism on the one hand, and wisdom and realism on the other.  You end up choosing sides and often lose the truth in the process, or obfuscate it if you are aware of it.  It's not that we dogs are any better, but you humans are our heroes!  I know it's tough being up there on a pedestal, but it's your responsibility, your birthright, your heritage.  Suck it up humans!

There's a pull that I feel as a dog growing in wisdom, or at least hoping to grow in wisdom.  There's a pull towards the higher reaches of spirit, towards the One, towards a refining of my nature, a spirituality that's internal seeking the heights within.  At the same time there's a voice that whispers, don't leave behind the material world , multiplicity, lost souls, the poor, mutts. It speaks, "you belong to Agape as much as you do to Eros.  You don't have to choose between them, that's a false dichotomy.  With effort, with awareness, with purpose; you can look out at creation with an infinite wisdom and compassion, Big Mind and Big Heart."

I'm just a dog, and an old one at that.  Maybe it's a sentimentality, a foreboding, an inward searching that has me looking out at creation with such affection.
I hope you humans get to experience the heart of a dog someday.  It would be a revelation I'm sure. Good night people type animals.

Buffy
Sentimental Journeyer



.

 

It makes me tremendously proud to know that a certain dog was involved in one of the most famous dogfights of all time.  I'm not talking about those infamous cruelty fests that a certain football playing human was associated with.  I'm talking about the other "dogfights", the high drama and sometimes chivalrous contests engaged in by the brave and skilled pilots that have participated in aerial combat during the last century of manned flight.

The dog that I'm talking about is the famous Snoopy! Snoopy was one of the first humanlike dogs, and I learned a lot from reading about him.  I guess he's a mythic figure to most of dogdom.  Like me, he often thinks that he's a person, and wants to be treated as one.  Snoopy had an active dream life, as dogs often have too much time for daydreams, and need to fill their inactive  hours with imagination.  Snoopy was everydog. He was Joe Cool, a famous writer, an attorney, a hockey player and the best player on Charlie Brown's little league team.  I wish I was as versatile.  Perhaps I am, in my imagination!

I'm not sure how long ago Snoopy lived, but somehow he managed to be a doghouse fighter pilot in World War I, and engaged in death defying dogfights with the Red Baron, Manfred von Richthofen.  The two aces engaged in numerous prolonged aerial battles, and according to dog legend, Snoopy was flying the Sopwith Camel aircraft that finally shot down the Red Baron.  Humans credit Arthur "Roy" Brown with the Baron's downing, but as we know truth is often lost in the fog of war. I'll put my money on Snoopy.

It's difficult to come up with any positive aspect to the fact of war, and its related death and destruction.  One small thing might be the positive effect on character that the challenge of defending country, family and values has on certain people (or animals); when they rise above fear and hatred and display courage, skill and chivalry in a righteous fight against the warrior on the opposite side.  In some wars, perhaps in most wars, where moral justification is murky at best, there are such individuals on both sides who display heroism, morality within immorality, and then bring larger than life capabilities to the battle.  These individuals live on in myth and legend, and eventually become "Snoopies" and "Red Barons".  "Curse you Red Baron!" was a phrase Snoopy used in the heat of battle, but like all great competitors, I'm sure he had a healthy respect for the Baron and his abilities. Fighter pilots from all nations and creeds share a common supreme confidence and aggressiveness,  and are said to consider themselves "brothers (or fellow packmembers) beneath the flight suit."

The aerial dogfight of World War I was a duel. It  tested the skill and the luck of the pilot, and the worthiness of the aircraft involved.  The romance and mystique of the scarfed, heroic aces of that war was a product of the times, of the newness of aviation, of a naivety about what it took for men to man those early airplanes.  Modern technology and long range missiles have taken away much of the character of those early bouts in the sky, but  the type of individual that flies those fighter jets still displays the same valor.  Tonight this dog will dream of flying sleek modern doghouses, of being a dogfight hero, of honor and a wave to my opponent.   "Curse you Buffy!" might be the expletive my vanquished opposite shouts as his damaged plane heads back to his base. "Curse you Buffy", he'll repeat.  I don't know? It has a certain ring to it, don't you think?

Buffy
The Poodle Pilot

 

"You Lucky Dog!"  It's what humans say when one of their friends or colleagues hit the jackpot in Vegas, or win the lottery.  When the ball trickles over the tennis net to win you match point, or hits the goal post but bounces through on your field goal attempt; you're a lucky dog. Those people that have a dog named Lucky are doubly fortunate, they sometimes have lucky Lucky dogs in the family. It seems that dogs can't escape responsibility for the fortunes and misfortunes of humans, you like to include us in your good or bad fortune. People want the aura of the positive canine character associated with their endeavors, as if we were rabbits feet in dog form, or 4 legged clovers or something.  We're happy to be lucky dogs, and hope that our humans are "lucky dogs " too. Kismet, karma and coincidence, I want all of them on my side.

I often wonder why luck seems to be unevenly distributed amongst nature's creatures.  There doesn't seem to be any fairness in the game, I guess that wasn't the point. Genetic distribution of strength, health and talent is largely along the lines of a bell curve.  The outliers are either the very lucky ones, or the very unlucky ones. As dogs, it's a matter of luck whether we get adopted by rich families or poor families, kind ones or ornery ones. It's largely a matter of chance .  Dogs can increase their odds of being adopted by well to do families by being pedigreed and healthy.  Some dogs are born on third base and think they hit a triple, to use a human analogy. Being born into genetic wealth or material wealth plays a big part in how lucky you might be, as chance seems to follow opportunity. 

Fate seems to look kindly on some individual animals.  It seems that they live a charmed life.  They may be canine winners at Westminster, or humans enshrined in Cooperstown.  Besides having great talent, these individuals put themselves in positions where good luck could find them.  Good luck seems to follow great effort, as if they're cosmically associated somehow. Fortuna seems to bless the positive , the brave, the curious, the intuitive. Some believe in prayer, rites and rituals, voodoo and hoodoo as a way to influence physics and probability. Dogs rely on the power of our winning personalities and chance, though we're not above using supernatural means if they are available to us. The purveyors selling these rituals often find that they make luck for themselves.( at the expense of their customers). 

I wonder if the amount of luck in the universe is limited, if it's a zero sum game?  For me to be lucky, it may require that some other entity experience misfortune.
Is prolonged good luck for some individuals a sign of their spiritual power? I think I'll ponder these things over a short nap.  I'm lucky enough to live in a fine home, with a kind family, and a guaranteed food supply.  I guess I could still be "luckier", but I don't want to appear greedy.  Still, I saw some steaks out on the counter, and I need to design a plan to maximize my chance opportunities.  I've got a hunch I might roll a 7 at dinner tonight if I camp out under the table.  I'm expecting the usual 2 dropped pieces of steak to hit the floor.  If that doesn't work I may have to ponder a raid on the garbage can, where the bones go.  Of course I might get punished as a result of such a raid.  I'll have to ask myself, "Do I feel lucky?"

Buffy
Canine Karma Chameleon

The term "Dogs of War" has been used in confusing contexts over the years.  When Shakespeare used the term, a "dog" was a restraining mechanism used to prevent conflict.  By releasing the "dogs" of war, the battle was joined and fighting commenced.  Dogs, you see, were originally restrainers of conflict, at least as far as this dog sees it.  I'm a lover, not a fighter.  I am a "French" poodle after all.  That's not to say I won't fight for my territory, or food, if that's necessary. First, we look for a better way, to avoid bloody battles.

I am proud of those dogs who served in the famous battles of history.  The Mastiffs of Britannia, the Molosser dogs of Attila the Hun, The Irish Wolfhounds; all fought with valor in their time. The US Marines employed dogs during the World Wars. These dogs were trained to fight and kill by their masters, and they performed as only their breeds could, with great strength and courage.  While I am proud of those dogs that performed in accordance with their nature and training, one must always question the motives and wisdom of those humans who trained these dogs to kill, and caused them to die. Do humans ever wonder what their leaders are getting them into when they speak of conquering the world, or eradicating other nations, religions or ethnic groups? Your noses must not catch the smell that emanates from these hateful humans.  We dogs detect the odor, but we have better olfactory capabilities than you humans do. Many of your kind seem mesmerized by nationalism, or religious hatred, and are easily manipulated by these charismatic leaders.  It's a shame we can't communicate with you, we'd help you come to your senses. We never see the leaders leading the charge during these battles. They must be the "brains" behind the operation.

In sometimes puzzled silence, we dogs follow the lead of our more intelligent best friends, you humans, in these matters.  It seems to us dogs, that you are fond of war and violence. Domesticated dogs were bred in a manner that led to suppression of the violent tendencies we once possessed in the wild. If dogs were given the chance to change the nature of humans as you did with the wolf, I guess we would look into reducing your aggressive nature, as it  threatens the existence of all of the rest of the species of the earth, when coupled with your technology. We love our best friends,humans, but you have your deficiencies, as we do.

 Wars are sometimes necessary, as an evil that must be employed to fight a greater evil. In the end, war dehumanizes humans, and often destroys what we love about dogs. Many dogs were sacrificed unnecessarily, and others had to be euthanized after their "useful" lives had ended, because of their militarized training.  A moment of silence please.

Sincerely,
Buffy

 

http://www.dalailama.com/messages/world-peace/the-reality-of-war

Dalai Lama Statement On War- see link

 

Dogs do not currently host any programming on The Travel Channel, and when we do travel and dine, it's strictly No Reservations; most restaurants and resorts don't welcome your favorite pet.  Obtaining a passport is difficult if not impossible for the contemporary canine, since we don't generally possess birth certificates and driver's licenses. My own travel experience has been limited to trips from Fond du Lac to Milwaukee to meet my owner when I was a pup, and a road trip to Manitowoc for a tennis tournament. After a two hour ride, I didn't even get to play!  Sure I get to ride arround with the master on errands and such, but exotic locales are foreign to my experience. My ancestors, wolves, used to get around quite a bit; they would experience different cuisines and cultures as they roamed the wild in search of deer, caribou and elk.  They might have made interesting travel hosts if they had had the chance back in the day.  Anthony Bourdain might have never gotten his opportunity if wolves or dogs were given the chance to try out for the job.

Since most dogs can't travel the world physically these days, we often engage in mental meandering in order to satisfy our wanderlust. Although it might appear that we are sedentary, our minds are often engaged in vicarious voyages to various viewpoints.  French Poodles imagine what it must be like to be British Great Danes, American Beagles picture themselves in the guise of a German Shepherd.  Rottweilers get inside the heads of Chihuahuas.  We do this to alleviate boredom, but it has the side benefit of giving us an understanding of how it might feel to be the little guy, or the big guy, or the smart dog (for example a particular poodle point of view).  This understanding and empathy is one of the reasons why you can see many different dog breeds encountering each other, tolerating each other, and quite frankly, sniffing each other's butts when they congregate.  It's all a product of our worldview travelling.

As I have become more human in my thinking, I find that there are new ways to spend adventurous mental time exploring colorful cultural customs.  Television and movies, books, and the internet enable me to gain the knowledge that I need in order to experience different cultures, cuisines, religions and ideologies.  I can identify with the character I am reading about in the novel I'm reading.  With a little effort of the imagination I might become that character for a time, and envision what it would be like to live in her time, in her place, in her situation. I could visit Psychology or Anthropology, Science or Sociology, Ideology or Ontology. I might even make a stop in Tautology. I might be Buddhist for a week, Hindu for a day, Muslim for a month. Travelling the worldviews means leaving the province you grew up in, and striking out to see another point of perspective for a period of time.  As in the physical world, there will be dangers and bad neighborhoods encountered.  It might be good to have a mental watchdog along for protection.  You might come back from your worldview travelling a changed animal.  Old ideologies might be shattered, preconceived notions nullified. And you don't even have to go to the airport!  The next time you come home from work and walk in the door, I might look like I'm just laying there on the floor, a sleeping dog lying. Who would ever know that I'm really a canine Columbus, on a perilous voyage in search of the Antipodes and Spice Islands of the mind, a wide-eyed worldview traveller, with No Reservations.

Buffy Bourdain
Reservations Please?

 

My master recently took a short 3 day trip to attend a wedding.  His faithful dog (yours truly) stayed home to defend the fortress.  Dogs are often asked to remain loyal, steadfast and true while their owners go on odysseys, quests and business trips.  Humans often take for granted that their dog will be there for them when they get back from their sojourns, and that we will offer them our usual love, affection and a lick on the face when they return.

The master's absence made me think about Argos, the faithful hunting dog of Odysseus.
When Odysseus left Ithaca for twenty years, the once powerful Argos was neglected and fell into ill health.  When Odysseus finally returned, disguised as a beggar, Argos was the first to recognize him.  Odysseus saw him lying in manure, lice ridden, and weak.  The dog could only drop his ears and wag his tail when he saw his master, and Odysseus had to hide his tears so that his disguise would not be compromised.  Argos, finally reunited with his master, "passed into the darkness of death".  His bond with Odysseus restored, he died in peace.

From what I see and read, humans also display loyalty and faithfulness, but it's probably a lot more complicated for you.  The relationship between dog and man is simple and sincere, one party doesn't have to worry about what the other one has been doing during their absence from each other.  For the dog, the fear of abandonment is real, but the reappearance of the master at any time will quickly lead to forgiveness and loving reunion. 
It would be great if humans could count on the same sincerity, loyalty, and immediacy from other humans as they can from dogs. Then again, I guess we dogs wouldn't be quite as special if that was the case.

Buffy
A Mythical Dog Myself

 

                                                             Dog Theme Song

 

I heard my master talking and found out he was in Kansas this weekend, and it started me thinking about TOTO, and OZ and Somewhere over the Rainbow.  I've always admired TOTO for the courage and valor he displayed during his trip to OZ.  Some dogs are freaked out by storms, the thunder and lightning paralyzes them into inaction.  Not so with TOTO, Oh No. Despite his diminutive size and benign appearance, he came through for Dorothy during battle, and was instrumental in she and her team's defeat of the forces of the Monkeymen and the Wicked Witch of the West.  That's what that witch gets for teaming up with monkeys.  Dogs are obviously superior to those simian saps.

I've always wondered whether OZ is a real place, or was the whole adventure just a dream that Dorothy experienced after being knocked unconscious during the Tornado.  There are some mornings that I wake up and look at the master's paper, hear the television and wonder whether I've arrived in OZ.  I listen to the politicians and their ideologies and it's readily apparent that one side hasn't got a brain, and the other side is sorely lacking in heart.  On top of that, both sides are in dire need of courage!  There's no Wizard in sight to cure their afflictions, and if someone claims to be such a leader it's a good chance he's a charlatan.  I haven't seen any Wicked Witches in the headlines, but it's apparent there's plenty of evil around, which she represents.  It's a good thing that the Good Witch Glinda still has some influence in the world. She uses smart, brave, good hearted people(and their best friends, dogs)  to counteract the spells of the wicked.  I hope she's winning, it's hard to tell sometimes.

My master was talking to the family and saying that he had a great time in Kansas City.  He went to a wedding, and the people in attendance were all under the influence of a magical spell.  Glinda had waved her magic wand, and a great party was celebrated by good witches, munchkins , Brainy Scarecrows , Good Hearted Tin Men and Brave Lions.  Evil was banished for a couple of days and the forces of good were triumphant.  I like happy endings. The Wicked Witch didn't dare to make an appearance.  She knew that each attendee had a glass of water (mixed with a bit of spirits) ready to throw on her evil self.  Of course I would have been happier if this dog could have made the trip to Kansas(City) too.  I was defending the castle back at home. I wish I could have magical adventures like Toto had. I guess my job is to keep the tale alive in the hearts of my fellow dogs.

Buffy
Smart, Courageous, Compassionate and Ozzie