There's an epidemic of obesity in the dog community. This includes the fidos in my subdivision,  Wind Meadows.  It's led us to arrange our first Biggest Loser contest, with yours truly, Buffy, as the inspiring, exceedingly buff , sixpack toting trainer.  We have 5 dogs that have committed to the fasting and exercise regimen that I have devised.  We're waiting for a sixth contestant, Hamlet the Hounddog to decide whether he'll subject his unhoned, untoned body to the many tortures that I have planned; for his own good of course. I went over to his house to get his final answer, and I caught him in the middle of a reverie, talking to himself and obviously in anguish about his upcoming decision.  Hamlet loves his food, but knows he should follow my plan, and fast and exercise ; for his health's sake.  To complicate matters, his neighbor was cooking a huge slab of meat on the grill nearby, and the smoke wafted its way towards his receptive nostrils. I stood by behind a tree and listened:

To eat or not to eat- that is the question
Whether tis healthier for the body to endure
The ups and downs of unwanted tonnage
Or to employ fasting against an ocean of calories
And by abstinence abate them.  To fast, to feast
No more. And by a fast to say we quell
The hunger , and the constant pangs and gurglings
That the stomach produces. Tis a constipation
Devoutly to be wished.  To diet, to fast,
To become thin, is it a dream? Aye, where's the grub?
For in that damned diet what little weight we lose when we
Have alighted so gently on lying scale
Must give us pause. There's the catch
That makes inanity of spurned feasting
For who would bear the running and the cycling,
The trainer's stair stepper, the thin model's haughtiness
The famished fatigue, the unresponsive lovehandles
The pity of the svelte, and the snickers
That fasters who fail meet
When he might see his best self flower
With daily duly exercised will power?  Who would dare to bear
The grunts and sweating of a weight loser's life
And feel the yoke of hunger and famish.
The depressed mood that the fasting brings
Confuses the cognition, and cowards us still
And makes us rather endure the shape that we have now
Than fast and earn results we know not of.
Thus damned hunger makes future failures of us all
And so the resolution to stop nourishment
Is reconsidered in the light of study,
And great plans and strong considerations
In this vein lose their reign in the heart
And result in my action- Eat Right Now!
Oh wondrous steak, in thy tastiness
Be all my dreams engendered!

Hamlet decided not to participate in our contest.  After witnessing his indecision and subsequent failure at the art of impulse control, I devised a new more moderate regime of portion control, walking, and games that require moderate exertion, but are fun and enjoyable.  I know I won't get on TV with this scaled back plan for a sustainable, healthy lifestyle.  I'm happy just to help my friend Hamlet feel like he's a success. He doesn't have to be The Biggest Loser to be a winner.

Buffy
Fitness Guru For the Canine Crowd